je m'aime

It's only Tuesday. I was thinking that the time moved faster these days. But then, this week make me realize that's not the case. The menstrual cramp, my entire body hurts here and there, the roller coaster mood swings, all of this contribute into several bad days.

Not to mention now I forget to bring any earphone. I realize that I check the clock once every half an hour. It's only 11.55AM. I don't know how to survive till 4.30PM. 

Music is such a friendly company. The melodic tune can turn your sour hours into a worth-enjoying ones. When people say they hate Monday, I don't use the word 'hate' to describe the first day of the week. It is .... bearable. Not that favorable but indeed I can still bear the weight of Mondays.

The fact that you have 2 days off in the weekend but you don't feel enough and then Monday's creeping in your doorstep while you still want to have day off? Is that why people hate Monday?

For the moment, I don't like Tuesday. I forget my earphone, the aching body, mood swings, and packed schedule. I need to write the entire new collection (I won't give any numbers but sure it's A LOT). As a perpetual sloth, this Tuesday is a lot to bear. 

Did I mention I sit next to my superior? 

Believe me, as a content writer, I need to get my 'juice' flowing in order to do my jobdesc. Maybe it's not a big deal for you. But for me, giving a humane description to every item is a way to attract potential customer. I'm not great in talking but sure I can write. 

In order to get my juice flowing, I need to let out words clogging the stream inside my head, hence this hastily written post. 

For the weekend, I went on trip, hung out with friend, and watched dramas. But I gotta admit, my Sunday was such an turn off. Too many things happened and it's hard for me to digest. I didn't know how I should react to it without being whiny. 

Hoof.

I need to get back to work. Earlier, I peeped on this newly-found blog that inspired me to write scrabbily but as honest as I can get. I might post some of the weekend trip into diary post, some time later. 

Like sometimes how our mind works, the story come out in jumble. Some other time, it comes out straight out of our heart like the way it is.

This one is dedicated to the walk, laugh, and sun light reflected on the ocean that day.

Jemaime Blog - I cannot enjoy reading lately. The Handmaid's Tale, There Once Lived a Woman Who Tried to Kill Her Neighbor's Baby: Scary Fairy Tales... I feel like I need a break from complicated things.

My life is complicated as I write it right now.

Just kidding, not much happening in life right now because I've constantly ignored any signs and hints that came into my direction. What's new?

The last time I read something and be attentive to what I read was..... Never Never: Part Three by Colleen Hoover and Tarryn Fisher. And it was no more than 92 pages. I cannot do long reading at the moment.

I did long reading last year or early this year I think and it was The Journey Under The Midnight Sun by Keigo Higashino. If you enjoy Haruki Murakami works, you will like Keigo Higashino too. Don't worry, their concept don't overlap but it's just they have this similar thing on hooking the reader. You must be hooked on the romance between Aomame and Tango, I suppose. Keigo Higashino also presented the same thing to his characters. I couldn't put down the book, it was that amazing. It is 539 pages.

Finding your own taste in genre is a vital thing. But it doesn't thing that you cannot go out of your comfort zone. I used to enjoy Princess Diaries in my young age and then jumped into Dan Brown. I also enjoy Me Before You by Jojo Moyes and read the second series which is After You, but the third book, it's lost on me. I dont know, I can't seem to finish the early chapters. So, I switch into another book.

Naela Ali IG

Now, when I am in my short span focus, I pick up Floating in Space by Naela Ali. It is her latest work (CMIIW). Her previous books are heavily illustrated. I do love illustration in watercolor but that is out of my budget so yep.

While Floating in Space is more writings than illustration. More writings, more intimate. It's almost like me peeking into lovely secret stories inside Naela Ali's head whenever she's closing her eyes. Yes, I feel like it's all inside her head. It's her own self that take the girl role inside the book. It consisted of short stories with great flow. I can't help but flipping the next page, more pages, and more.

Upon reading the synopsis at the back cover, I quickly thought that it's only about cliche love story. The ones that have been on every teen romance novels, the girl meet the ideal guy of her dream. I started to read trying to prove my point. But nah, it is far from cliche story! I am really happy that I read it. Somehow it got rid of the false expectation inside my head, some complicated strings got off inside my brain. This is what I've been looking for!

The same thing can be applied on my real life. The gap between the expectation and reality is too far, hence the complicated ball of problems inside my brain. It electrified the other cords inside my head and boom.

I recommend Floating in Space by Naela Ali if you're bored with your life and wanna have a quick trip from all the problems. It's about 80k, it comes in the size of your palm (no, not that small but it's smaller than your average novel). It's best to be read with sound of the rain in the background and fluffy pillows around you. Maybe prepare some tissue in case you need it.

Click here for Angie's Goodreads Profile
And for youtube channel


Playlist:
Jorja Smith - Something In The Way
The Red Pears - Forever
Bahamas - All Ive Ever Known
Cheeze - Love You(좋아해)(bye)
Conan Grey - Sweater Weather (cover)

I used to believe that if i were overly happy, it would be easy for me to slip into slippery edge that was misery.
When I'm happy, I try my hardest not to be overly happy. Because some negative vibes will target me right after that.

That was years ago.
Well, the more you think about it, the more it will happen, you know.

Yes, it really happened several times in the past. Back then, I was laughing about something funny online, that got me cried because of how hilarious it was. Then, something happened. I got one call about something that killed my joyful mood. Instantly.

That's how I believe in 'how hard it is to be happy, to obtain happiness'. Everything moves in balance, I know that. Happy-sad, light-dark, right-left, up-down. I don't know, this is just how I cope. Happiness is out of my reach. I experienced pleasure, not happiness. Talking about happiness, it's like 10 times more than just mere 'pleasure'.

Slowly, I left the way of thinking that 'being overly happy will push me to be sad after that'. It seemed that I wasn't overly sad. But then, I wasn't overly happy too. Life is mediocre.


And recently, the dynamic around my house is slightly different. We had weekend trips more often than before. It's like the last 4 weeks, we went out together. We took photos (that such a energy boost for me), we explored new places, old places with different ambiance. Definitely my kind of happiness.

But then right after that, some minor thing happened, it really killed my mood. That was so unexpected.

And that is life. The bittersweet things happen almost simultaneously. I need to change my frame of thinking to be able to handle that well. I handle the bad times so that I can appreciate good times.

Death is something that really I hope I can free from. But then there's no life without death. I once made an oath to myself that I wouldn't experience death before me. But no, life and death is nobody's business except for Him.



I used to be so obsessed with how to cope around death when I hadn't experience any of it. The passing of a family member is one of great fear in my life. The foretold story about death and what happened in the family from books, tweets, and movies are enough for me. I don't need to see it happen in real life.

(Maybe that's why I was so hung up with Monster Calls, book and movie. It's about a passing member of family, the important one.)

And yet, life and death is the most absolute thing in the world. It happens to everyone.

grandma smiled at the birthday cake from mom

Books I read regarding mental illness, self-harm, even suicide are flooding my reading list since 3 years ago, the year when I slided into adulthood and real life. I desperately found a thing to hold on while the characters on the book died. It's only character, they said. I argued back, well, books are based on real life experience. Somewhere in other side of the world, it happened to some family and my heart ached for them.

my cousin feeding grandma birthday cake

Death came to my family recently. It took our grandma/and mom. After 27 years, I was there to see the first passing with my own eyes, ripped from the body we used to pat, embrace, caress, and love. I didn't know how to let myself go because the first thought on my mind was to show understanding to my mother and aunt who were there and their loss was greater than me. I shouldn't give them a push button by breaking down there and then they were the one to comfort me rather than I did to them. So, I stood there and gave the latest caress, pat, and farewell to the body of grandma. Her soul was finally free. Eventually, she was free from the pain.

Her life was filled with religious and social activities around the neighborhood. She's also a dear person for a handful of people around us. A good life has been lived.

-----


Whether it's from illness or something else, death is devastating. Last month, we celebrate mental health awareness month, mental illness is equally horrendous as physical illness. I hope you have someone to talk to when you need it. Embrace those who's dear to your heart and make them feel that you care for them. And maybe, the regret is not something that you feel after someone's dear to you leave you one day.

(this post was written in May, so many things happened after it's written. I posted this one so that I could reminisce the memory from the trip to ARTJOG)

Recently I haven't been myself. So, I planned a quick trip to Yogyakarta with my friend, Fitri. Turned it was our last trip for some time because she's moving to other city two days later.

Yogyakarta is the city if you want some nostalgic and Javanese culture experience. Eventhough you only gone there once, there's this magic that binds you to go back there again and again.



The reason I picked Yogyakarta to visit is not because of the Waisak, big day for Buddhist. I know there are tons of tourists, local or foreign, choose Yogyakarta because there's gonna be big occasion held in Borobudur at that day. I think that it would be too crowded and the show start at night while I only have time from morning to afternoon. I visited Artjog 2018.

ARTJOG is an art experience that provides a melting pot for new ideas and thoughts in art. It's been 10 years since the first gig (from 2008). Indonesia begins to shift into more 'artsy' because of the edgy background for lovely instagrammers, started with the social influencers. For me, the first time I was interested in exhibition (not necessary art) was when I visited Keraton Solo and walked in through several rooms. I remember I went back to the house I stayed in, my heart was full.




The fact that so many people flock in to Artjog is amazing but there's one time that it got me. Fitri and I were talking about this piece and some high-schooler pointed DSLR camera into the art and said, 'Misi mbak, bisa minggir dikit?' or 'Could you move a side a bit?'. That was just harsh. We were just there and discussed about the art installation and then some girl younger than us for maybe 10 year wanted to take picture, so she scolded us who stood there?

What if I told you that you COULD have waited until we're finished, then you COULD take picture as much as you can AFTER?





ARTJOG is located at Jogja National Museum in Gampingan, Jogjakarta. We took TRANSJogja to Malioboro and walked to the venue. It is probably 3-4 KM. Yes, we walked. There's no glaring sunlight, the weather was great that morning. We surfed along KH Ahmad Dahlan street while talking. As usual, Google Maps were necessary.

The HTM was 50k. For me, it was worth it. Since I like to wander around and discussed every each of installation. The quirk of it, the color schemes, the ambiance, the atmosphere, the goosebumps it gave me when I stepped inside the room, and everything. It is essential for me to take someone who appreciate art if not equally, at least they have appreciation towards what I love in. If not, I'd better to go by myself.




Heri Pemad of Heri Pemad Art Management, the event’s organizer, said this year’s ARTJOG was indeed different from previous ones, especially in terms of appearance and curatorial concept. (source)

There are 3 floors with variety of medium with one theme: “Enlightenment: Towards Various Futures”. I was totally amateur and everything excited me. My heart fell to one installation where there were a lot of photo and conversation in frames. It was artwork by Davy Linggar X Tulus. I searched out about Davy Linggar, the google engine showed me that Davy Linggar also the director of Tulus latest video, Langit Abu-abu, which I 'super' liked!!!! What a surprised! I went to youtube and spoiled the reply button to play the video.

Contemplating over everything like always but this time im gonna write about this little escape I had last March. Teehee. 

dorky pic of me

I was initially to stay home when we had a day off on the last Friday of March. Being a home fairy (the term for someone who stays home so much), I began to think I need holiday! So, I asked my friend, Fitri, if she wanted to go somewhere. After exchanging ideas, we agreed to go to Kopeng Treetop Adventure Park. Moreover, nature recharge is the best recharge of all. If you're tired of daily routine, go see nature. If you wish for a weekend escape, go seek nature!

i was on the passenger seat taking this, hence the blur

trying be fierce but nah

If anyone ask what I would choose between beach vs mountain, well, I would take the current weather as the reference. If it's cold, I would answer beach. If the weather is warmer, I would answer mountain.

I've never been to mountain though. The mountain I mean here is hill. I've been to Gedongsongo (Bandungan), Sikunir (Dieng), Taman Nasional Kaliurang KM 0, and many more. It's nice to have an exchange for the hot weather in Semarang. 

Okay, so, Kopeng Treetop Adventure Park it is!

the famous spot for picture, not for me tho

They have variety of outbonds for children to adult age. Not to mention, they also have camping sites for family troops or group of friends.

It takes 1-1,5 hrs to get there from my place, Semarang. I am glad that Fitri knows the road and the exact place so it's not a hassle. If you guys don't know, it is located in Jl. Raya Kopeng, Batur, Getasan, Semarang, Jawa Tengah. You need to go straight to Pasar Kopeng and then there's this billboard to locate Kopeng Treetop Adventure Park.
The road inside is a bit steep and narrow. You can hardly put two cars side by side there. But don't worry, the employees will cooporate to avoid road jam. 

Fitri brought a broken camera, we couldn't even use it

For I bring motorcycle with a friend, we need to pay 25k each and 5k for the vehicle. I'd say it's a moderate cost for the private adventure park (means not owned by the government). It's a wise decision because not everyone want to to do outbonds. I go there not for outbonds, we initially don't know what's in there and we just want to enjoy the pine tree landscape. I am immensely satisfied with the view. According to the site tripyuk, this Treetop Adventure Park is one of adventure parks that has been built all over the world. 

And then if you want to do outbonds, you need to pay extra: (125k for children and 180k for adult). Or if you come with your family, they offer a full package consist of 2 adults and 2 children for 430k.




the 'it' spot for instagram

































They also have restaurant, they serve both Indonesian and Western cuisine. But sadly, I don't get to try because the limit of time. The restaurant is up at the background of the pic above. Like a tree house, it's so pretty. 

____________ Art is what you make it. 



Ever since I got my first mobile phone with camera, I fell in love with capturing everything with it. Be it an alley, a person, a troop of people, etc.

I feel the thirst to find an object to capture. Since I am prone to narsistic trait, I seldom take a picture of myself, moreover upload it online. I am not kidding! I do take one or fifty selfie but none of it made it to any of social platform of mine.

I shouldn't be defensive about this, I know. When you open an account, what you post or write there is totally up to you, and if anyone say bad things, don't mind them. Maybe they're just jealous or try to infect you with bad vibes.

riverside (banjirkanal barat semarang)

Photography is always be a hobby of mine. I never have a real camera though. I hope soon!
I am pretty confident about what I capture, mostly people and pretty background. Or maybe coffee mug or cute animals. Later I want to compile photography concept into a note and make it real.

cafe mocha

Capturing moments is not just capturing memories but also show other people that you care about the landscape you capture, the food or the person you take picture of, or a street that is nostalgic to you. I'm sad when someone said: oh you take too many pictures already, live the moment!

I do live the moment by capturing them. I can show other people about this amazing place or pretty coffee and cakes. It's not about myself, it's far more than that.

No matter how mediocre the object is, if you can capture it with different angle or perspectives, it is art. Art is anything that can make you feel things.

Apart from video on youtube, I make my personal instagram for amazing pictures.

Lately I am keen to seek for analog camera on carousell but havent made up my mind yet. Analog camera gives a sense of smell to your picture. Smell? Um, maybe atmosphere? That's why I always edit my picture on vsco cam before I upload it. It adds a certain feels into the photo. I use A6 (analog) or G3 (portrait).

banjirkanal timur

citraelo rafting

punthuk situmbuh

binge on photography video here

I am currently going through a cycle where I enjoy rough movies like Leon or Insomnia, and songs like Killing For You by Skylar Grey or Hurt by Helps.

The cycle comes and go, as my mood shifts a lot.

I can say that I really love Leon the Professional '94. I finally watched it last week. (I know I'm soooo late). The contrast between Leon, the hit man who likes milk as his diet, and Matilda, the teen who acts mature way beyond her age. I see this movie as a harsh romance since it involves a lot of gunshots and violent acts. But it is incomparable like Face Off or From Paris with Love. I can't tolerate the two latter movies. Matilda's mature act softens the whole movie.


For UK version, it is called Leon. But when it's released on America, they added The Professional 1994.

For those who haven't watched it yet, I recommend to watch it first, don't ask whether you'll like it or not. If you like vintage filter and settings, so this movie is for you.

(SPOILER ALERT)

The conflict starts when the whole family is assassinated and Matilda has nowhere to go but her antique neighbor house, Leon. They live in the same apartment floor. Being a hit man, Leon quickly picks on the situation and let her in.

The combination between the Italian guy and teen american girl is not something you can see everyday. The unforgettable scene is when Leon and Matilda moving from one apartment to another while bringing a few clothes, suitcase, and a huge plant. I often saw the cosplay by SM Entertainment artist on Halloween party. They wore Matilda's trademark clothes: which is green bomber jacket, black tank top underneath, black shorts, fishnet stockings, and Doc mart. Then, I thought to myself, if they really like the movie, then I should watch it too.

And little did I know, boy, I love it!


I like that Jean Reno input the idea to inject new trait into Leon to stitch the whole plot together. He decided to portray Leon as slightly mentally slow and emotionally repressed. It fits that when Mathilda requests him to be her lover, he would not take the advantage of her innocence. The movie would roll into more morally-accepted theme for the society. Imagine if Leon would do the opposite, like it was decided in the beginning.

It would be another Lolita theme movie.

Nah, I prefer the way (Leon rejects Mathilda).

John Boyega and Emma Watson

Like Maria Popova says here that naming a thing is to acknowledge its existence as separate from everything else that has a name. She is talking about moss on that article but I aint gonna talk about that.





For someone, every thing he/she's doing reflects how he/she really are. Some time back in the past, I would ask my friend to take Minho off the table and give it to me. She's puzzled and asked, 'Minho?' 'Yeah, Minho, my phone.'. She stared at me like I talked in alien language and yet she retrieved the phone to me. 'Who name phone after her favorite idol, except you, Ngie!' 

I remember I am pretty comfortable to let her know, or anyone in my peer group, that I give name to my cellphone. It is because at that moment, I like that idol with the same name and also I really value my cellphone that only a week-old. I know that my friends understand.

These days, we rarely appreciate things because it's not common in our society to give name to lifeless thing. We see them like a lunatic. Society won't understand. 

Society put so many pressure on anyone who shows distinct character. Actually, you can do whatever you want as long as you don't violate others.

Putting value into a matter, whether it's your belongings or wild flowers that you have in the backyard, it gives you lesson on how to appreciate other. You learn to appreciate lifeless being, you learn to be empathetic, you learn to love. 

You want to do something? Go do your thing.
You want to name your precious car after a book character that you love, go do it, son.

You put any value on everything you own, that's amazing. It means that you appreciate them and you care about it and you won't do any damage to them. A friend of mine said she grows up believing that no matter how much money you pay for something, she would value it no matter what.

It also musters your ability to be empathetic. Nowaday, we need a little bit more of empathy. We can't achieve insant world peace but at least we do our part to contribute of it. 

Now, do you name your gadget? If yes, what name do you choose? 

I see the term Weekend Reading on pinterest or bloglovin so often so that I am wondering that... if it's legit post to write?

via UO

For me, weekend reading is the kind of reading to help you release the stress. Weekdays are packed with meetings and deadlines. The only time you get to do what you love is.. weekend time? I, myself, like to read something that I can easily relate to. Like the one I read a while ago Fahrenheit 451, boiling time for governor election in Jakarta. I could peek behind the scene since a lot of people write about it online. What we don't see on the media is the one that shaking me to the core. The greed, the lies, the propaganda, the absence of moral compass. 

Anda Fahrenheit 451 showed the similar terror of the situation at the time. It was totally mind-blowing that the book was released on 1953.

read also: book review

Weekend reading for me this week is Note to Self by Connor Franta. He is known as a vlogger. He's gotten an award for Favorite YouTube Star by People's Choice Awards. Amazing! His favorite vlog reached 2M views. It is hard-earned by a mere vlogger on youtube if not for his high quality video content and his personality.

I don't really watch vlogs from a vlogger that I'm not familiar with. I will list vloggers that I watch sometime in the future.

Since, I am drawn with cinematography mixed great content, I love his video: The Old Me. He's done a great job for that. And then I found out that he released a self-written book (whoa) and I thought why not?

So, my weekend reading is Note to Self by Connor Franta. So far, I've highlighted more than 10 quotes on Bookmate and that's how I know I can relate so much to a book. I just read 2/10 pages. 











And I will continue to read later. 












What is your reading list? Mine is here.









playlist:
Glee - If I Die Young
Dean - Instagram
Anna Kendrick ft. Justin Timberlake - True Colors
NF ft. Britt Nicole - Can You Hold Me
H.E.R - Focus