je m'aime

 First part of story is here.

Gunung Telomoyo

The following day on Sunday (29/12), we woke up pretty early. I pulled my beanie and wore the jacket over my night gown and walked around. Under them morning sky I could make out a small road behind our room, I didn't really see it when we checked in the day before. We could see some of the neighborhood peeps came in and out by their motorcycle without no safe helmet when the weather is near 15 degree. It's cold af and they didn't bother to warm themselves with head scarves or something.

Mountain view from our room

The thing I notice about the people living in high altitude is that they bite back the cold temperature and walk and work normally but their red cheeks and nose betray them HAHA. I live near the coastal line, soooo im a tropical person, I will pack my thickest jacket and im aware traveling in the coldest month (December) will give my body a shock if I wear my daily clothes.

Ruli, on the other hand, she packed light and nonchalant, she thought her knit top would be enough, AHA, it's not. At night, I layered my nightgown with heat-tech long-sleeves and survived the night while she wore her usual long-sleeves and daily socks which gave her NO extra heat at all. She curled up into a ball till sunrise.

my view from left side of the bed

Cool tips if you travel in the coldest month:

Take your big jacket, heat-tech sleeves and slacks. Extra clothes would help you survive the cold.

We took turn taking a shower (thank God for the water heater) and put on Doraemon in the background. We realize this is just like we used to be in our childhood where we played at lebaran holiday when we were at our grandma's house. Doraemon playing on the television, while the grandchildren spread around the living room and watched it together. Now, we're fully adult but ngl I still want that life tbh. No responsibilities, head empty but eating and playing, but with adult money.

I got emergency back then, actually the night before, my charger refuse to charge. I put it on the upper part of my backpack and probably the water from the tiny drizzle in the afternoon seeped into the backpack and killed my charger. LOL. My smart ass packed a tiny powerbank, I could only use it in a certain position. If the phone moved any inch, the connection would be broken. That's how I had to get along for the rest of the day. Borrowed the cable from Ruli for my powerbank and charged my phone after it's fulled. A total complication but it worked, Thank God. I just need to get back home and use my old charger until I get the new one. Baseus is pretty powerhouse brand and I only use their charger. I use the 2m cables linked here.

At 9 PM we checked out and recorded the prettiest view. Took a memento or two, the accommodation offered several room with bigger space, smaller space, and a little bird. I'm grateful Ruli booked us the one with the view. Cause I walked around and it's only our room that got the mountain view.

Next on the list: Omah Kembang

This is one of the most-wanted spots for me. I went to Merbabu View several years back and on my way home I saw this swiss-alp building, and I said to myself I had to go back here someday. And probably the universe heard me, I did go back here albeit with different peeps but it's okay.

We went to the cafe and we ordered breakfast slash lunch cause after this we went straight back home. From the cafe, we saw three villas with a pool, and a whole family was there. What I mean by whole fam is really A BIG group of family. It was high season and that must've been cost a fortune to rent the whole place by themselves. The surrounding was so beautiful btw. The lush greens, high trees, with pretty building like that.

Warm matcha for Ruli, Cappuccino for me. Sup Senerek for Ruli, Burger for me.

After we drowned in the view, our order started coming in. The staff said I couldn't use my DSLR camera here lol. But I didn't see the sign anywhere so I thought it's fine. Plus, my phone was out of storage and best to take camera shots so that I wouldn't have to cram my full storage. The pretty view is probably popular among the pre-wedding shoot or any professional shoot and that's why they put rules like that. They had to put up a sign next time. My guess is that they charge more for DSLR camera.

It was a little bit chilly outside but breathtaking view. The vast sky was white but all of sudden the rain started to come. We talked less here due to out of energy and it was nearing the end of the trip. The feeling of nostalgia caught us fast even when we're still on the trip. We will miss this a lot. The place, the cold weather, the pretty photos. We turned in a year older this year and we're still unsure of what lies ahead. We're running towards a goal where we're attracting good things in our life. Several bumps here and there but we decided to see the silver lining. We're both a serious thinker, she's a capricorn sun and im a capricorn moon. My doubts, she could understand my pov. Her fears, I could easily see why she fears that problem. We're both taken from the same side of a book. Being the first daughter of the family and still single in our thirties, we carried similar problems but slightly different.

I made the video as well and you can watch it on youtube here.

And just like that, we're in the tip of our travel. I swear to God this trip was a breath to us. A little space where we caught our breath, to talk, and gain our energy back. The zoo, the flowers, the forest, the good food, we're grateful of everything.

See you next trip!

(If anyone’s wondering, the title “December on November” is because the vacation was in December 2024, but I only managed to write about it now, in November 2025. Very late publication, I know—but the life of a corporate slave and holding space for my mental health means I process things way later… even a year after.)

 

"You’re willing to go all the way here for my big sis?” asked Ebi.

I told her that morning on April 20, 2025 that we’re there for Lala. We as in me, Diana, Nastiti, & Shelley. We heard the news that Lala been at ICU since the night before and we definitely rushed to see her in the following morning. The answer is: why not.

Going through platonic friendships, I always appreciate those who doesn’t pry. She’s like the silent pat in the shoulder and say, “Go ahead, I’m here for you.” She’s that supportive friends who always find a fun thing to say even in the darkest time. The way I always casually go to her and chat about small things I find on the way to the office, or the meal recipe I see on tiktok the other day, and tell her I see a pretty cardigans at the store at the mall and ask if she want to check them together after this.

Of course, I will go all the way for Lala.

All the bucket list she has, all the food stalls she wants to go to, all the tiktok challenges she wants us to do. I still have it all.

Sorry, I have this habit to talk about someone in present time, and not in past tense, because to be honest I just… can’t.

At 1 o’clock, we took turn to go and see her. For the first time, I recited the entire Al-Fatihah to her with Shelley’s hands on my back, trembling like mine. And I said to her to let me go. It worried me sick if she keep hurting like that. It hurted.

We really let her go at 21.

wrote and edited on May 2

 

Hi, greetings from 2025!

A quick glance to the last post published on 2023. Oh, no! I missed a whole year!!!! How could I!!!

2024 was ended with a good note a good heart because I just came back from an impulsive trip with Ruli. Yes, we finally did a trip together 2D1N at Ngablak, Magelang. It’s not exactly at Magelang, it’s more of Salatiga but yes tipping to Magelang. We’re at the border lol whatever it’s called.

It was rainy season. We celebrated Ruli birthday away from our houses and we both loved being deep up the hill.

“What do you prefer: A trip to the beach or mountain?” she asked me that afternoon. We’re both comfy respectively in our spots, me sitting on the green chair by the window, her on the bed in fetal position. She’s been badly hit by the cold due to one-piece clothing, LOL I KNOW, SHE SHOULD KNOW BETTER. But you gotta be in the position where you experienced thing to know how you should do better next time. She definitely should bring warmer jacket next time instead of that parachute jacket that she even LEFT at her motorbike.

As usual I took a neutral stance to control my biased view, “Well, I enjoyed my days at the beach…” I reminisced to the short trip to Jepara back in August 2024. It was windy despite the humid temperature. And back in our room we blasted the air-con to the max because it’s the only time we had air-con so yeahhhhhh cold doesn’t scare me anyway!

“…but I also loved wearing out my thick jacket like today. So, for me it’s not a problem whether we go to beach or mountain. What about you?”

“For the practical reasons, I prefer mountains more. The cold temperature treats my skin BETTER than any other place.”

“Oooooh that I agree!”

 

angie & ruli

We continued talking and talking even after the clock struck 11. Until I bundled myself under the blanket and her still in fetal position.

 

The morning came and we still do questions-answers back and forth. Like, what do you think of your job for now, what type of guy you would go for marriage, what do you think you would do if he put you in this position, what do you wish for you in 10 years. It’s basically a job interview lmao. And I censored hard core things in case things got leaked from here hajajajjajajaja.

And then we came to the conclusion: Ruli is Capricorn Sun and I have Capricorn Moon and that’s why we move together in synch. We both so rigid and put the logic first but I do have my emotional times, not gonna lie, and she’s the one who I turn to when it comes to my family issue cause she’s there when everything happened. And I valued her point of view apart from my mother’s.

We may be not look alike but we share the same blood. And according to the BIG FAMILY BOOK AT at my grandma’s house we have the same blood of Jaka Tingkir. I kid you NOT! This was back in our holiday in our high school maybe? There’s this thick book lying around the living room and there’s me and her name there probably in 40^th page or more and who got the front page (indicating the main blood line): Jaka Tingkir. I couldn’t forget the dumbfounded expression on my face and hers. Like, are we r0y4l?

The conclusion is we believe what we want to believe. HAHA.

Anyhow any who, it’s convenient because it felt like I have a younger sister but I didn’t have to share mom’s pocket money cause she has her own share lol.

 

Our itinerary for Day 1: Merbabu Park & Pasar Kopeng.

Day 2: Omah Kembang - click here

Trip on youtube.

Soft, diffused light, like the gentle caress of a setting sun, filters through the tall, narrow windows. It bathes the room in a soothing, warm radiance, casting a soft, golden hue upon the rows of aged wooden bookshelves. This gentle illumination is kind to the eyes, never harsh or glaring, creating an atmosphere that encourages leisurely reading and contemplation. Dust motes dance lazily in the air, caught in the sun's gentle rays, adding to the sense of timelessness.

The polished hardwood floors reflect this mellow light, offering a subtle echo of your footsteps, as if the library itself is speaking in hushed tones. The warm light creates a natural contrast with the deep, mahogany tones of the bookshelves, highlighting the intricate details of their craftsmanship without overwhelming the senses.

The scent of ageing paper and leather-bound books hangs in the air, lending an aura of wisdom and history to the space. Rows upon rows of books, each with its own unique story, stand tall, their spines neatly aligned like soldiers at attention, waiting patiently to share their knowledge.

Comfortable armchairs and reading nooks are scattered throughout, each bathed in the soft, warm glow. Plush cushions and soft throws drape over the chairs, inviting you to sink into their embrace and lose yourself in the written word. The occasional rustle of pages turning or the distant whisper of a fellow reader only serves to underscore the profound quietude that prevails.

A sense of timelessness pervades this secluded library, where the outside world and its demands cease to matter. It is a place where the mind can wander, where thoughts can flow freely, and where the pursuit of knowledge takes precedence over all else. Here, in this oasis of calm, the world slows down, and you are granted the precious gift of solitude and introspection, all bathed in the soft, warm light that cradles your every moment.

It's been so easy for me to fall asleep. If someone were to ask me what's the best you can do, I might answer falling asleep in no time. Whenever we had sleepover on my college girls' home, they mussed over how fast I could fall asleep in the following day.

the day time became shorter, 

this foggy street had been the one I came home to these days

Fast forward ten years later, the waking hours finally got me in chokehold. Didn't sleep in the daytime, my night sleep getting pushed for a really late. While I need to wake up in regular hours every day.

Now, I get frequent headache because of it. The food tastes bland in the tip of my tongue. The blue sky turns grey. I try so hard to get some sleep without any horror getting me in my dreams and jolting me awake every 2 hours. 

One night I was frantically scanning my room looking for a thing to get me sleep. The empty candle that I put on my window sill was long gone. The perfumes on my desk looking at me like "go on, take me". And my eyes landed on the new sample I purchased from Teratu a few weeks ago.

 

I took a sniff and decided to spray it on my pillow. 

Finally the good sleep I've been looking for several days.

The perfume smells like a bed of flowers and sweets. It might be too sweet for those who like clean smell. But to me, it is perfect.

main accords: sweet, fruity, fresh, chocolate

Mood

Experimental with sun, light, and mirror

Palette

Muted pink, blue sky, and white

 Watching Conan Gray video on vogue channel about him moving to NYC is like a breather to the dark space inside my head. Like him, I do like watching people, even more now that we live in social media spaces rather than irl, and I always like "What do I do? What should I do? Should I take their fun personality and make it mine? They seem so interesting".

Hence, I now making videos on tiktok based on cool people on internet. Sometimes, I touch on dark and cold personality, the one that screams "bruhh, you look awesome!!" and some other times I am all girly and princess-y with pearl headband and all smiley. 

I am this age and still don't know how to live my life.

My close friends, we share the same concerned, whenever we talk about it, we end up giving silent replies when we talk about it. Because we don't know. Yet. 

No one really knows. I guess.

There's unspoken rules for women in my age (even though people are likely more open minded now) but still, people expect me to do a, b, c, d, and conceal it with "we're doing it for you so you can have a better life".

But then, I think about it all over again. Why I reject the ideas of the timeline of the adult age, in the age 22 you have to do this, in 25 you get that, and in 28 blah blah blah.

I haven't been living my best life because I'm busy rejecting those ideas when I could just... live.

Playlist:

Conan Gray - People Watching

NCT Dream - Life is Still Goes On

One episode of me waiting for my mother, I stood in the entrance of Candi Ngempon located in Kelurahan Ngempon, Kecamatan Bergas, Kabupaten Semarang. I parked my ride a little far from the entry way. It was right in the sharp curve of the countryside road. So that I didn't block anyone's from entering or leaving the gate.



Three elder men, who were guarding the entry way, made effort to talk to me and Fitri from afar. They asked if we were college students or old enough to be a worker. Worker, we said. They asked again, if we worked in garment or any factory, he started to mention several factories in the area (Semarang-Ungaran). Yes, mebel/furniture factory, I answered. The men nodded, okay, if both of you wanted a change, you could apply the factory near here: dinnerware, garment, snack factory.

Even though it's a small chit chat between strangers, the elders always make effort to provide life insight to the youngsters. The way they stretch life perspectives, based on their personal experience, and share them is adorable. At least for me. I grew up with late grandmother who was equally taciturn like me, worrying inwardly about family members, took care of her off springs not by talking but behaving; I rarely gotten lesson on how to perceive life.


That reminds me of the experience back in 2017 when my mom and I went to Tlogo Putri Kaliurang  by riding minibus that was full of elder people. They were on the way back to their respective house from local market. They chirped in, talking about what they bought earlier, menu for lunch, the breakfast menu last week, etc. Mundane things, very light and daily topic.

Then, I thought to myself that was how it was for elder people living in rural area. Full of tranquility, superficial satisfaction, yet possessing thick layer of happiness. Maybe it's too premature to capture the happiness level by simply observing them in that minibus trip. However, the peaceful atmosphere engulfed me, made my heart infected by their lightheartedness.

Surrounded by the breath-taking view of greeneries, the trip made me desired to go to explore more about various people with different perspective of life. It was such a healing moment.

Hello, it's been too long since I write here. Look at all the dust, phew. I simply felt lack of energy and feeling not creative most of the time. I lost interest for the things I used to like before. Movies, books, conversation. Work left me empty. Even if I did trip, I was confused on how to put words and taken picture from the trip, to compile it into a comprehensive blog post. 

One by one, I opened my inside tap: emotion and mind. To try to let it all go.

I wear my emotion, not on the sleeve, but at right behind my back, far out of reach. Why, you asked. No one understands, I said. The insecurity, the worry, constant anxiousness, rage, perspective of how the world works. 

What steps do I take to open the tap?

1. Acknowledge the different backgrounds of where we come from

2. Understand

3. Understand, once again

4. Do what I always want to do, one by one







Went for a fun hangout with camera last Sunday. My friend, Fanny, asked me to take halloween picture. She's so good with makeup and she put on zombie makeup for herself. I put fake freckles on. It's funny how we didn't scout for places but we managed to find perfect spot just like we wanted. We found a broken hut, sun light sneaked up through the holes. Ideal for a creepy portrait, teehee.

And then, we just pranced around, taking pics here and there. Shoot the best angles. It was so much fun!!! It's been a while since I did it. Mainly, because I don't know why I take pictures.

For later, I want to try concepts that I found on Pinterest and I'd develop them according to my style. I'd love to do local concept though. I feel like there are so many local things that would be interesting to capture.