Watching Conan Gray video on vogue channel about him moving to NYC is like a breather to the dark space inside my head. Like him, I do like watching people, even more now that we live in social media spaces rather than irl, and I always like "What do I do? What should I do? Should I take their fun personality and make it mine? They seem so interesting".

Hence, I now making videos on tiktok based on cool people on internet. Sometimes, I touch on dark and cold personality, the one that screams "bruhh, you look awesome!!" and some other times I am all girly and princess-y with pearl headband and all smiley. 

I am this age and still don't know how to live my life.

My close friends, we share the same concerned, whenever we talk about it, we end up giving silent replies when we talk about it. Because we don't know. Yet. 

No one really knows. I guess.

There's unspoken rules for women in my age (even though people are likely more open minded now) but still, people expect me to do a, b, c, d, and conceal it with "we're doing it for you so you can have a better life".

But then, I think about it all over again. Why I reject the ideas of the timeline of the adult age, in the age 22 you have to do this, in 25 you get that, and in 28 blah blah blah.

I haven't been living my best life because I'm busy rejecting those ideas when I could just... live.

Playlist:

Conan Gray - People Watching

NCT Dream - Life is Still Goes On