je m'aime

Soft, diffused light, like the gentle caress of a setting sun, filters through the tall, narrow windows. It bathes the room in a soothing, warm radiance, casting a soft, golden hue upon the rows of aged wooden bookshelves. This gentle illumination is kind to the eyes, never harsh or glaring, creating an atmosphere that encourages leisurely reading and contemplation. Dust motes dance lazily in the air, caught in the sun's gentle rays, adding to the sense of timelessness.

The polished hardwood floors reflect this mellow light, offering a subtle echo of your footsteps, as if the library itself is speaking in hushed tones. The warm light creates a natural contrast with the deep, mahogany tones of the bookshelves, highlighting the intricate details of their craftsmanship without overwhelming the senses.

The scent of ageing paper and leather-bound books hangs in the air, lending an aura of wisdom and history to the space. Rows upon rows of books, each with its own unique story, stand tall, their spines neatly aligned like soldiers at attention, waiting patiently to share their knowledge.

Comfortable armchairs and reading nooks are scattered throughout, each bathed in the soft, warm glow. Plush cushions and soft throws drape over the chairs, inviting you to sink into their embrace and lose yourself in the written word. The occasional rustle of pages turning or the distant whisper of a fellow reader only serves to underscore the profound quietude that prevails.

A sense of timelessness pervades this secluded library, where the outside world and its demands cease to matter. It is a place where the mind can wander, where thoughts can flow freely, and where the pursuit of knowledge takes precedence over all else. Here, in this oasis of calm, the world slows down, and you are granted the precious gift of solitude and introspection, all bathed in the soft, warm light that cradles your every moment.

It's been so easy for me to fall asleep. If someone were to ask me what's the best you can do, I might answer falling asleep in no time. Whenever we had sleepover on my college girls' home, they mussed over how fast I could fall asleep in the following day.

the day time became shorter, 

this foggy street had been the one I came home to these days

Fast forward ten years later, the waking hours finally got me in chokehold. Didn't sleep in the daytime, my night sleep getting pushed for a really late. While I need to wake up in regular hours every day.

Now, I get frequent headache because of it. The food tastes bland in the tip of my tongue. The blue sky turns grey. I try so hard to get some sleep without any horror getting me in my dreams and jolting me awake every 2 hours. 

One night I was frantically scanning my room looking for a thing to get me sleep. The empty candle that I put on my window sill was long gone. The perfumes on my desk looking at me like "go on, take me". And my eyes landed on the new sample I purchased from Teratu a few weeks ago.

 

I took a sniff and decided to spray it on my pillow. 

Finally the good sleep I've been looking for several days.

The perfume smells like a bed of flowers and sweets. It might be too sweet for those who like clean smell. But to me, it is perfect.

main accords: sweet, fruity, fresh, chocolate

Mood

Experimental with sun, light, and mirror

Palette

Muted pink, blue sky, and white

 Watching Conan Gray video on vogue channel about him moving to NYC is like a breather to the dark space inside my head. Like him, I do like watching people, even more now that we live in social media spaces rather than irl, and I always like "What do I do? What should I do? Should I take their fun personality and make it mine? They seem so interesting".

Hence, I now making videos on tiktok based on cool people on internet. Sometimes, I touch on dark and cold personality, the one that screams "bruhh, you look awesome!!" and some other times I am all girly and princess-y with pearl headband and all smiley. 

I am this age and still don't know how to live my life.

My close friends, we share the same concerned, whenever we talk about it, we end up giving silent replies when we talk about it. Because we don't know. Yet. 

No one really knows. I guess.

There's unspoken rules for women in my age (even though people are likely more open minded now) but still, people expect me to do a, b, c, d, and conceal it with "we're doing it for you so you can have a better life".

But then, I think about it all over again. Why I reject the ideas of the timeline of the adult age, in the age 22 you have to do this, in 25 you get that, and in 28 blah blah blah.

I haven't been living my best life because I'm busy rejecting those ideas when I could just... live.

Playlist:

Conan Gray - People Watching

NCT Dream - Life is Still Goes On

One episode of me waiting for my mother, I stood in the entrance of Candi Ngempon located in Kelurahan Ngempon, Kecamatan Bergas, Kabupaten Semarang. I parked my ride a little far from the entry way. It was right in the sharp curve of the countryside road. So that I didn't block anyone's from entering or leaving the gate.



Three elder men, who were guarding the entry way, made effort to talk to me and Fitri from afar. They asked if we were college students or old enough to be a worker. Worker, we said. They asked again, if we worked in garment or any factory, he started to mention several factories in the area (Semarang-Ungaran). Yes, mebel/furniture factory, I answered. The men nodded, okay, if both of you wanted a change, you could apply the factory near here: dinnerware, garment, snack factory.

Even though it's a small chit chat between strangers, the elders always make effort to provide life insight to the youngsters. The way they stretch life perspectives, based on their personal experience, and share them is adorable. At least for me. I grew up with late grandmother who was equally taciturn like me, worrying inwardly about family members, took care of her off springs not by talking but behaving; I rarely gotten lesson on how to perceive life.


That reminds me of the experience back in 2017 when my mom and I went to Tlogo Putri Kaliurang  by riding minibus that was full of elder people. They were on the way back to their respective house from local market. They chirped in, talking about what they bought earlier, menu for lunch, the breakfast menu last week, etc. Mundane things, very light and daily topic.

Then, I thought to myself that was how it was for elder people living in rural area. Full of tranquility, superficial satisfaction, yet possessing thick layer of happiness. Maybe it's too premature to capture the happiness level by simply observing them in that minibus trip. However, the peaceful atmosphere engulfed me, made my heart infected by their lightheartedness.

Surrounded by the breath-taking view of greeneries, the trip made me desired to go to explore more about various people with different perspective of life. It was such a healing moment.

Hello, it's been too long since I write here. Look at all the dust, phew. I simply felt lack of energy and feeling not creative most of the time. I lost interest for the things I used to like before. Movies, books, conversation. Work left me empty. Even if I did trip, I was confused on how to put words and taken picture from the trip, to compile it into a comprehensive blog post. 

One by one, I opened my inside tap: emotion and mind. To try to let it all go.

I wear my emotion, not on the sleeve, but at right behind my back, far out of reach. Why, you asked. No one understands, I said. The insecurity, the worry, constant anxiousness, rage, perspective of how the world works. 

What steps do I take to open the tap?

1. Acknowledge the different backgrounds of where we come from

2. Understand

3. Understand, once again

4. Do what I always want to do, one by one







Went for a fun hangout with camera last Sunday. My friend, Fanny, asked me to take halloween picture. She's so good with makeup and she put on zombie makeup for herself. I put fake freckles on. It's funny how we didn't scout for places but we managed to find perfect spot just like we wanted. We found a broken hut, sun light sneaked up through the holes. Ideal for a creepy portrait, teehee.

And then, we just pranced around, taking pics here and there. Shoot the best angles. It was so much fun!!! It's been a while since I did it. Mainly, because I don't know why I take pictures.

For later, I want to try concepts that I found on Pinterest and I'd develop them according to my style. I'd love to do local concept though. I feel like there are so many local things that would be interesting to capture.

The story behind this picture was simple but worth telling.

I didnt wake up at my house, I was at Pratama Homestay Dieng. There were three of us in one room bundled up under the thick blanket---mom, me, fitri---trying to survive one night in 2-3'C weather. It was not unusual the local, but for tropical girl when the room temperature hit 0 C it made me loose some winks of sleep.

Everything is fine. I put on 2 warm tees and sweater on top to sleep. Yes, I wrapped the blanket around me as the final protector of me from cold. Not to mention three layers of socks. Because if your feet is cold, your entire body is cold.

Or maybe I just have bad circulation, eh.

At 5.30am, mom nudged me to wake up and everything's blurred. 10 mins later I was walking to this big field and I could see hundreds of people walked the same direction as I.

What? Why? Where? When? How?

This is the story behind the picture.

We all being sold by social media picture of the frozen dew. We set aside our weekend routine to take trip to Dieng, Wonosobo, Jawa Tengah to see this.

What? Frozen dew
Why? Indonesia is a tropical country but there's snow? Really? I'd like to see it.
Where? Dieng around June - August 2019.
When? After the dawn, before the sun rises at 7AM
How? Don't forget to pack up your camera pocket or DSLR. Because the weather is below 0'C. It's so cold that I cannot even pull off my gloves. Since mobile phone requires tip of  your hand, it's better to use camera so that you can keep your gloves on and take pictures.



This photo is the reason why the rope around my torso loosened, it was amazing. The excitement tingled all over my body. I really love this shot: frozen dew wrapping the hay with breathtaking landscape as the background.

I didn't expect this before. It's better off that way. I don't know what to see or what to get. I rarely google any places that I'm going to. Surprise surprise! So, I don't want to get my hopes up. I hate spoilers. 

Kudos to everyone on the trip that I was able to see this with my two eyes. 

Traveling—it leaves you speechless, then turns you into a storyteller.

- Ibn Battuta

I was scrolling mindlessly on Pinterest and came upon this image. The term 'red strings of fate' immediately appeared on my mind. This kind of commitment needed years of deep relationship between two person. The smudged ink around the red string depicted that it's real tattoo, correct me if im wrong though.

The realm of relationship has always been a foreign concept to me. I was young and I had fallen fast. Now I am mature but it takes away the recklessness of being in love. Everything shall pass the test: personality, career, and moral value. I set it high so that no one comes close enough. Even the nonsense detail about what kind of eyes he has, shoulder length, height, whether he choose leather jacket or winter coat for fashion. 

Yet the big question is: is he good for my mental health? If you watch Korean drama It's Okay It's Love, you will get the gist of what I'm trying to say. The female character has anxiety that comes to her relationship with her boyfriend. It succumbed from the incident when she was young. It shaped her. It constructed her in present times. Nothing comes easy.

Again, the concept of red string of fate is not something that I let it into my life. But when it happen, I'd probably be glad about it because fate has taken care of the part that I've been suffered for many years. 

Fate.

On second thought: if you zoom in the picture, it's actually not tattoo, it's literally red strings.

Let me put the other image from Pinterest.


Playlist:
Adhitya Sofyan - Dunia Paralel
Iamneeta - Marry Me
Nino Rota - What is Youth
Bruno Major - Home
Billie Eilish - Bellyache

Kurogi Cafe Semarang

counter bar

A friend of mine called me for weekend hangout, wanna go to Kurogi? I was like, what is that? It turns out that Kurogi Cafe Semarang is a new hangout cafe in town with its delicate decor with eclectic character. One side for instagram portrait, the other for chic pinterest interior decor. To sum up, whether you have a date with your boyfriend or bringing your elders to eat up here, Kurogi Cafe Semarang will immediately be your new favorite place.







Wood is the primary material for the Kurogi Cafe Semarang which I love. And if you peek behind the counter bar, you'll see the famous photograph backdrop with pink neon sign:

the 'it' sign

I had ramen for myself, it came in moderate proportion. And strawberry tea. Not too light nor too heavy.








I gotta admit that I spend more time in taking picture rather than eating. Kurogi Cafe is a must-visit place if you want to improve your instagram game. If you wish, you should come several times with different attire, and no one will be suspicious whether you take picture in same cafe.

Nothing is going on right now, except that I lost three cats (one was my favorite) and I try the hardest to push the sadness in, the weather is too cold. Instead of making a fuss about it, I hope the cold weather won't go away.

If someone ask me what I would prefer: cold or hot weather, I definitely choose cold. But actually, I am more of cool weather-type rather than cold. I remember trying to keep myself alive, from freezing toes and cheeks at Dieng. Every breathe I took sent sharp pain in the chest because I didn't expect it to be that cold.

There are temperature limits for human body. According to Vox, cold stresses the heart and lungs as the body works to maintain its core temperature. On the contrary, unseasonal heat event will also become more risky.

Cool weather. Light drizzle. Mist. Goosebumps creeping in your sleeves.

It's only Tuesday. I was thinking that the time moved faster these days. But then, this week make me realize that's not the case. The menstrual cramp, my entire body hurts here and there, the roller coaster mood swings, all of this contribute into several bad days.

Not to mention now I forget to bring any earphone. I realize that I check the clock once every half an hour. It's only 11.55AM. I don't know how to survive till 4.30PM. 

Music is such a friendly company. The melodic tune can turn your sour hours into a worth-enjoying ones. When people say they hate Monday, I don't use the word 'hate' to describe the first day of the week. It is .... bearable. Not that favorable but indeed I can still bear the weight of Mondays.

The fact that you have 2 days off in the weekend but you don't feel enough and then Monday's creeping in your doorstep while you still want to have day off? Is that why people hate Monday?

For the moment, I don't like Tuesday. I forget my earphone, the aching body, mood swings, and packed schedule. I need to write the entire new collection (I won't give any numbers but sure it's A LOT). As a perpetual sloth, this Tuesday is a lot to bear. 

Did I mention I sit next to my superior? 

Believe me, as a content writer, I need to get my 'juice' flowing in order to do my jobdesc. Maybe it's not a big deal for you. But for me, giving a humane description to every item is a way to attract potential customer. I'm not great in talking but sure I can write. 

In order to get my juice flowing, I need to let out words clogging the stream inside my head, hence this hastily written post. 

For the weekend, I went on trip, hung out with friend, and watched dramas. But I gotta admit, my Sunday was such an turn off. Too many things happened and it's hard for me to digest. I didn't know how I should react to it without being whiny. 

Hoof.

I need to get back to work. Earlier, I peeped on this newly-found blog that inspired me to write scrabbily but as honest as I can get. I might post some of the weekend trip into diary post, some time later.