just being ridiculous

there's so much inside my heart. nope, it's not about wailing why my lover is so far away and never look at me.
gah.
okay, I mean there are 'few' things that I always thinking and never let it out to anybody or to anything (read: diary, or notes). these days I was easily being upset. because of this and that, and the top of that happened today. I came to my friend's place to do our assignment. and I waited for one hour for that. my friends was still at campus, they promised me it wouldnt take long to get to the place (read: boarding house). but, seriously dude, one hour? I was in situation without books to read, my handphone is 'hospitalized', plus no one told me how much longer I should wait, obviously nothing to do. my temper arose. I held myself, I took a deep breath and kept thinking that the blame was on me. I should go to campus instead of her place, I should've guessed that it would take long (since they're in library looking for books for our assignment), I should have..... well, things like that. 
but I'm no saint. I could get angry too. I could be upset. and my face's hardened when my friend told me that it would take more time for the library thing (after that one hour). I hastily raced my ride to campus. I wanna catch up with them in library and yet there, I forgot that I wore legging. it's forbidden cloth to wear in campus. MY campus, specifically. and I felt like wanna cry. I was really, really upset. I was too upset to tell them I was at campus. I waited in parking lot, in a bench, right beside FKM's canteen. you know what, they were ACTUALLY in that canteen, FKM canteen. I really wanna hit my head to the wall nearby. I felt I wanna explode. 
and when we confronted each other, I wouldnt look them in the eyes. coz I know I'd explode in no time and I dont want that happen. the only thing I did: I wore this 'bitchy' mask (not literally mask) and talked to them indifferently. they knew I was angry. and started apologized. I bet they felt bad coz of this. I DID feel bad. bad enough till I want to hit my head to wall nearby.


conclusion: I hate being isolated, left without nothing to do, and should wait in limitless time. 

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